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Have a KKKristmas from the AFA

Christmas is coming, and the American Family Association wants you to “Let your light shine for Christ this Christmas Season.” And seriously, what better way then to display a 5 1/2 foot burning glowing cross, powered by 210 ultra bright white lights? Even better, how about giving the gift this year: put this in front of your neighbor’s lawn and spread a little holiday cheer! Only $81.85 suggested donation and OMG free shipping!

Growing up in my hometown, there was a salvage yard who’s signage pole was wrapped in white Christmas lights all year round.  They were never lit but once a month, and formed a giant cross when glowing.This signaled that there was a clan meeting in the back of the junkyard.

• AFA Store via Gizmodo via Daily Dish

Marcella Martyr Points

Martyr points are gained when you volunteer to do an absurd and out-of-your-way task so you can cash them in later for respect or favors. I tend to rack up a lot of martyr points at Marcella’s because it pads my self imposed privilege of drinking for free.

Unfortunately, sometimes the tasks are lame and annoying, like spending 30 minutes wedged and worming underneath the dj booth, sweeping and vaccuuming all sorts of crud and club fodder. Its a good thing i’m not fat or claustrophobic.

As a totally unrelated aside, I got home at 3am this morning, because I opted to go barhopping with Lil Joe because he needed to put a face to one of the 10 girls he’s taking to Sunset Bay today. I’m his super efficient misogynistic-albeit-homo wingman, and I enjoy helping him out because I’m intrigued by the complexity of tittie-wrangling. I’m a terrible person, and I belong in hell. I know.

Crazy ATL chick goes Soulja Girl on Marta, gets remixed.

I’ve been falling in love with Baltimore house lately, having nothing to do with John’s proximity to the city. Its the breakbeats, and the hilarious remixes that come from this genre; like this one.

So here’s this youtube video of this crazy girl, going absolutely nuts and dancing and carrying on like a hoodrat on a MARTA train. She’s disrespecting old ladies, singing Soulja Girl, and being a general fool.

Now here’s the Bmore remix, pure gold.

Via IHEARCOMIX

SCADShort: Pencil Face

Pencil face is a short film, featuring a little girl who happens upon a giant lewd faced pencil, and uses it to draw things that come to life. Part of a monthly short film release project created by a group of SCAD alums calling themselves the Dandy Dwarves.

Get the Flash Player to see this player.

Pencil face was directed by Christian Simmons and released in May  2008. Click here to watch the film in hi quality.

Via Boing Boing

PS - This counts as my 700th Post.  whadayanow……

Usher the Bear: Love in this Club (Showbiz Style)

What do you do when you have a decommissioned Showbiz Pizza Place Animatronics setup lying around? You program it to play Usher and scare a lot of kids…

Via GorillaVsBear

Best Buy Dance Dance Humiliation

These three young girls were merely grooving along to the hi fideilty of the Best Buy satellite radio display when the white man had to show up and ruin the party. Please note, it appears he was a Geek Squad employee.

Get the Flash Player to see this player.

• Via Orbit Cast

Fancy an Anus?

Well too bad, cause they are sold out till May 26th, you sick bastards.

For us, producing hand made chocolates is an art. The art of producing our chocolates with the utmost care, in true tradition of Belgian craftsmanship. These chocolates are created with one thing on our mind: to produce a combination of taste and touch that takes you to chocolate anus heaven.

Chocolate. Anus. Heaven.

Look about the site, and you’ll see a special Solid Silver (55grams) edition, for the low low price of £235. I do wonder if they’ll make a cream filled editon, for the felchers among us.

• The Edible Anus

RoadKill Toys: you Snuff em, we stuff em!

As much as I love vinyl, there is something about twisted plush toys that pull at my heartstrings.  Enter the Roadkill toys, take the beauty of animal autopsy by automobile inside your home, safe from your dog rolling in it and safe from the stew pot. Twitch the Racoon and Grind the Rabbit sell for £25.00 each, and come inside a translucent body bag with toetag telling of the poor critter’s demise.

Get your Squash-plush toys while they’re still fresh off the tarmac. Twitch the Raccoon was the first to be scraped off the road. But now there’s a new not-so-cuddly toy in town. His name is Grind the Rabbit. The first 1000 Grind characters are all limited edition. Each one has a personalised toe tag, handwritten by the creator. All of them have limited edition numbers. It took Adam, the creator, 7 long nights to finish all those tags, and caused him severe tendonitis. It’s not that we’re trying to emotionally blackmail you. Just buy one.

• Roadkilltoys.com

Size Doesn’t Matter with Teeny Weeny USB Drive

Billed as the one and only “penis shaped USB,” the Teeny Weeny smuggles 1GB of storage into a very modest, and dare I say laughable, 2 inch rubber peen.

• The makers of the Teeny Weeny™ drive are not responsible for any misuse, unintentional use or indiscrete use of this product, so be careful where you flash your drive. Best to keep it in your pants until the moment is right!The Teeny Weeny™ 1 gig Drive is made from durable rubber, looks and feels like a penis, and retails for the introductory price of $20.00 plus shipping and handling.
• NOTE: For our Scottish patrons, don’t forget to order the, “What’s under yer kilt” gift box sleeve (available May 21, 2008).

• Teeny Weeny Drive

Continue on for a NSFW (natch) pic of the little thing.

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Anti Teen Weaponry is a $1,500 ringtone

• CNN - A wall-mounted gadget designed to drive away loiterers with a shrill, piercing noise audible only to teens and young adults is infuriating civil liberties groups and tormenting young people after being introduced into the United States. The Mosquito, which targets loiterers, projects a shrill noise audible only to teens and young adults. Almost 1,000 units of the device, called the Mosquito, have been sold in the United States and Canada after the product debuted last year, according to Daniel Santell, the North America importer of the device sold under the company name Kids Be Gone. The high-frequency sound has been likened to fingernails dragged across a chalkboard or a pesky mosquito buzzing in your ear. It can be heard by most people in their teens and early 20s who still have sensitive hair cells in their inner ears. Whether you can hear the noise depends on how much your hearing has deteriorated: How loud you blast your iPod, for example, could affect your ability to detect it.

The device costs $1,500 to install, but some cities are claiming that it is an unnecessary and cruel form of a deterrent. A device like this has no regulation, and others are afraid the device would be mismanaged in the hands of private owners.

However, the shrill noise is nothing new, most commonly used as a free stealth ringtone called the “mosquito.”

listen to a sample of it below. Can’t hear it? that must mean you’re old.

• CNN -Conflict follows device that drives away teen loiterers