If you dress like this: This will happen to you:

*Note: While yes, St. Patrick's Day is Tuesday, people in the Buffalo rock out the Sunday before with a parade and massive public drinking bingefest. This is the telling of events on Sunday. I'm never up for the St. Paddy's Day Celebration Drunktardathon. The parade passes by and I'm fast asleep, not waking till 4-5pm. When I finally rustle, it's to a wasteland Elmwood Village, pillaged and plundered by fratboys and orange skinned women. The trashing is so bad and ridiculous that last year someone busted Hero and Sound's front window and made off with a buttload of Labbits. Because of that, I pledged to help Mark and Beth "guard the fort" this year... to brave the muffin tops and sidewalk peeings, and have a little bit of fun in the process. Hero has the the unfortunate pleasure of being near ground zero for the parade route in Allentown. While Chippewa is packed, a special brand of crazy goes on in at the corner of Deleware and Allen St. At first, we sat and drank, Mark going for juice cause he's a straight edge gangsta, and beth sipping vodka and diet, and I with my trusty pisswater  Pabst Blue Ribbon. As the crazies strolled by, we'd poke fun at the girls in Ugg boots, with muffin tops and crispy orange skin. I drooled at some of the cute bears in green, but mostly Allentown was full of hot messes. Did I mention Sunday was absolutely gorgeous and sunny? 47 degrees never felt so warm. Eventually more Hero Soldiers showed up and  we had ourselves our own little hipster party. Must give credit and props to "Green Man" for the see-all spandex... Naturally, on an occasion as momentus and beardy as St. Patricks Day, Randall showed up and kidnapped me to go barring with the boys. Now, the boys that gravitate around Randall are about 90% straight. The 10% of questionability tends to wiggle up to 20% depending on the amount of alcohol, but Mark and Joe are seriously breeders. Partying with Randall always means going to Roxy's.  I used to be wary of the place, but with the right crew of friends I can handle whatever the lesbians throw at me... even stripe-stockinged-crazy-lady-gay-humpers.... It was here that Joe decided to express his love of fashionable briefs, and Mark decided he needed a closer look... that 10% spiked to 40% right there. We tried to hit up the Old Pink later, but that didn't turn out so well. The smell of piss/vomit/garbage was a little much and we opted for Brick Bar instead, which only smelt of piss. Randall is a bit of a beard magnet; we are always bumping into some hot muscley straight bear or cub wherever we go.. either a friend of Randall's or people he's tattooed.  Normally, Randall and I are out till way past 4am... leaving me sore and hung over for the ride to work the next day. Luckily, since everyone in Buffalo had been drinking since 10am, we cut our night at 10:45PM. So as much as I pledged to stay out of the mess, it couldn't be helped. It just goes to show you can have a great time without destroying the city... just throw your garbage into the wheel wells of radio trucks... Check out the rest of the Mayhemic Pictures from my Flickr Set.

Seriously. We had the pleasure of having Chi Chi LaRue as a special guest DJ at Club Marcella for Valentine's Day. Porn Mogul with a Superstar Drag Persona, who knew she was also a banging DJ? We don't often have guest DJ's at Marcies. Why?

• Our resident DJ's, Charles Masters and DJ Xotec, are pretty fabulous.
• Most guest bookings are bamboozled by a promoter who in turn fails to produce a crowd to offset the ridiculous booking fee.
• Most guest Dj's are unprepared for the musically fickle Buffalo crowd.
• They only wanna spin for an hour or so, then go off to do blow for a bit, leaving our house dj's to save the floor.
• They smell. God, I'm all for UK DJ's, but pack some motherfuckin' Right Guard bitches (Dom & Roland).

All of this is why I was happily surprised when Chi Chi showed up and spun non-stop from 11:00 to 4:30, with only a break for the drag show. This bitch is fierce. I was expecting a little more to her when we met, but apparently she's almost down to her goal weight after a wonderfully successful bariatric surgery. Anyways, I was getting the half-size Chi Chi set up in the booth and when I lifted up a platform to make room for her tallness, I failed big time on the peripheral vision and bashed her shin with a 4 foot beam. Well, the tall, skinny, porn mogul drag queen was also resiliant with a sense of humor, called the impending bruise a "souvenir" and we had a great night from then on. Chi Chi wrote about her time at Marcies on her blog at C1R.com

Last week I was in Buffalo NY at a club called Marcella. I have to admit I was not expecting much, but let me tell you, Buffalo Rocks!! The club was fantastic and the people of Buffalo are Gorgeous. The staff alone made me weak and the people that came to dance and party were totally wild. They treated me great and I DJ’ed from 11pm till 4:30 am. I can’t wait to go back, hint hint.

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I try to take a video each night of some poor child skanking around the Pole at Club Marcella. The better ones I use for visuals, the messy ones I post to Youtube. They've all been messy so far. Today's Pole Chicken is a friend of our DJ, Charles Masters, and I regularly enjoy kicking him out of the DJ booth. I like to enforce a strict, no-chicken policy in there. #tweetit