E-tards: the lovable sweaty, twitchy messes that pop pills and proceed to give the public a show. A telltale sign of an E-tard is the unconscious desire to grind one’s teeth to the roots, random giddiness, and generally being a hot pole mess. Exhibit A is below…

Bonus!!!! – Check out the hot mess underwear contest after the jump! NSFW if you can’t watch a bunch of gay and questionably straight guys strip down to their skivvies.

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If you come to Club Marcella, and I take your video whilst you be pole dancing, its either:

1. because you are hot, and I’d like to put you on the screen and do fancy effects with you…
2. because you are mildy hot, but you hove around alot and have flashy things on you that would look good if i applied a lot of special effects…
3. You are a hot mess and I’m gonna blog about you on Monday.

*Note: While yes, St. Patrick’s Day is Tuesday, people in the Buffalo rock out the Sunday before with a parade and massive public drinking bingefest. This is the telling of events on Sunday.

I’m never up for the St. Paddy’s Day Celebration Drunktardathon. The parade passes by and I’m fast asleep, not waking till 4-5pm. When I finally rustle, it’s to a wasteland Elmwood Village, pillaged and plundered by fratboys and orange skinned women. The trashing is so bad and ridiculous that last year someone busted Hero and Sound’s front window and made off with a buttload of Labbits. Because of that, I pledged to help Mark and Beth “guard the fort” this year… to brave the muffin tops and sidewalk peeings, and have a little bit of fun in the process.

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I just don’t have a use for them. Well, until now.

Its not secret that I love the bears, a beefier stock of man with a scruffy face and a furry belly. And all my friends know that to call me a chaser gets a glare but to call me a twink gets a tone of violent rebuke. When I started doing visuals on the screen I knew I needed eye candy. I knew that my tastes in men weren’t gonna cut it on the screens so I took to videotaping the antics of club goers losing their morals on Club Marcella’s lone stripper pole. I’ve gotten mostly trashy girls and more than enough hot messes to feed the “Hot Pole Mess Meme,” but occasionally I get something hot.

This is John. He’s chicken, straight up Original Recipe. The girl to his left is some skank who thinks its hot to “date” twinks. I took some photos and video of him and he’s a true winner for “hot boy in underwear dancing” footage. Thing is he knows I hate him. I kick him out of the booth all the time for rubbin all over our DJ, Charles Masters, who should be doing more important things like mixing. See, I like to keep the DJ booth a Chicken Free Zone, much to Charles’ chagrin. So, do I have to bite my tongue and own up to the importance of these vapid bodies? Charles and I both agree, there isn’t much to poor Johnny but a cute body and a bubble butt, but do i lose integrity for following this boy around with a camera? Or can I claim professional exception?

Here’s a video with some footage of the Pole Chicken…. slowed down a little for the porn effect. Probably NSFW, as his undies get a little low.

and if you absolutely must see the first (and probably only) two inches of this boy, click after the jump for the uncut pole chicken clip. #tweetit

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Halfhearted ravers break my heart. We should have some ecstasy on hand for the poor chaps when they run out of juice. Except for this kid; it was nearly 11:30PM on a rainy Saturday night, and he just stood there with his glowsticks that he brought on his own, looking like a fool. Hot Pole Mess.

His boyfriend was kinda hot from all the piercings, but Randall informs me he is lacking in the equipment zone. Must be why he draws all the attention to his face.

HT: Joe.My.God.

I haven’t heard anything fresh from The Pet Shop Boys since 2006. “Love Etc.” is a great new single and the music video is well done. Visit the youtube page to watch in HD.

Seriously. We had the pleasure of having Chi Chi LaRue as a special guest DJ at Club Marcella for Valentine’s Day. Porn Mogul with a Superstar Drag Persona, who knew she was also a banging DJ?

We don’t often have guest DJ’s at Marcies. Why?

• Our resident DJ’s, Charles Masters and DJ Xotec, are pretty fabulous.
• Most guest bookings are bamboozled by a promoter who in turn fails to produce a crowd to offset the ridiculous booking fee.
• Most guest Dj’s are unprepared for the musically fickle Buffalo crowd.
• They only wanna spin for an hour or so, then go off to do blow for a bit, leaving our house dj’s to save the floor.
• They smell. God, I’m all for UK DJ’s, but pack some motherfuckin’ Right Guard bitches (Dom & Roland).

All of this is why I was happily surprised when Chi Chi showed up and spun non-stop from 11:00 to 4:30, with only a break for the drag show. This bitch is fierce.

I was expecting a little more to her when we met, but apparently she’s almost down to her goal weight after a wonderfully successful bariatric surgery. Anyways, I was getting the half-size Chi Chi set up in the booth and when I lifted up a platform to make room for her tallness, I failed big time on the peripheral vision and bashed her shin with a 4 foot beam. Well, the tall, skinny, porn mogul drag queen was also resiliant with a sense of humor, called the impending bruise a “souvenir” and we had a great night from then on.

Chi Chi wrote about her time at Marcies on her blog at C1R.com

Last week I was in Buffalo NY at a club called Marcella. I have to admit I was not expecting much, but let me tell you, Buffalo Rocks!! The club was fantastic and the people of Buffalo are Gorgeous. The staff alone made me weak and the people that came to dance and party were totally wild. They treated me great and I DJ’ed from 11pm till 4:30 am. I can’t wait to go back, hint hint.

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