E-tards: the lovable sweaty, twitchy messes that pop pills and proceed to give the public a show. A telltale sign of an E-tard is the unconscious desire to grind one's teeth to the roots, random giddiness, and generally being a hot pole mess. Exhibit A is below... Bonus!!!! - Check out the hot mess underwear contest after the jump! NSFW if you can't watch a bunch of gay and questionably straight guys strip down to their skivvies. Check out my Youtube page and subscribe for the latest in hot messes, video tests, and other random bits from me. I'm also on Vimeo when I wanna be a snob about quality.

If you come to Club Marcella, and I take your video whilst you be pole dancing, its either:

1. because you are hot, and I'd like to put you on the screen and do fancy effects with you...
2. because you are mildy hot, but you hove around alot and have flashy things on you that would look good if i applied a lot of special effects...
3. You are a hot mess and I'm gonna blog about you on Monday.

*Note: While yes, St. Patrick's Day is Tuesday, people in the Buffalo rock out the Sunday before with a parade and massive public drinking bingefest. This is the telling of events on Sunday. I'm never up for the St. Paddy's Day Celebration Drunktardathon. The parade passes by and I'm fast asleep, not waking till 4-5pm. When I finally rustle, it's to a wasteland Elmwood Village, pillaged and plundered by fratboys and orange skinned women. The trashing is so bad and ridiculous that last year someone busted Hero and Sound's front window and made off with a buttload of Labbits. Because of that, I pledged to help Mark and Beth "guard the fort" this year... to brave the muffin tops and sidewalk peeings, and have a little bit of fun in the process. Hero has the the unfortunate pleasure of being near ground zero for the parade route in Allentown. While Chippewa is packed, a special brand of crazy goes on in at the corner of Deleware and Allen St. At first, we sat and drank, Mark going for juice cause he's a straight edge gangsta, and beth sipping vodka and diet, and I with my trusty pisswater  Pabst Blue Ribbon. As the crazies strolled by, we'd poke fun at the girls in Ugg boots, with muffin tops and crispy orange skin. I drooled at some of the cute bears in green, but mostly Allentown was full of hot messes. Did I mention Sunday was absolutely gorgeous and sunny? 47 degrees never felt so warm. Eventually more Hero Soldiers showed up and  we had ourselves our own little hipster party. Must give credit and props to "Green Man" for the see-all spandex... Naturally, on an occasion as momentus and beardy as St. Patricks Day, Randall showed up and kidnapped me to go barring with the boys. Now, the boys that gravitate around Randall are about 90% straight. The 10% of questionability tends to wiggle up to 20% depending on the amount of alcohol, but Mark and Joe are seriously breeders. Partying with Randall always means going to Roxy's.  I used to be wary of the place, but with the right crew of friends I can handle whatever the lesbians throw at me... even stripe-stockinged-crazy-lady-gay-humpers.... It was here that Joe decided to express his love of fashionable briefs, and Mark decided he needed a closer look... that 10% spiked to 40% right there. We tried to hit up the Old Pink later, but that didn't turn out so well. The smell of piss/vomit/garbage was a little much and we opted for Brick Bar instead, which only smelt of piss. Randall is a bit of a beard magnet; we are always bumping into some hot muscley straight bear or cub wherever we go.. either a friend of Randall's or people he's tattooed.  Normally, Randall and I are out till way past 4am... leaving me sore and hung over for the ride to work the next day. Luckily, since everyone in Buffalo had been drinking since 10am, we cut our night at 10:45PM. So as much as I pledged to stay out of the mess, it couldn't be helped. It just goes to show you can have a great time without destroying the city... just throw your garbage into the wheel wells of radio trucks... Check out the rest of the Mayhemic Pictures from my Flickr Set.

I just don't have a use for them. Well, until now. Its not secret that I love the bears, a beefier stock of man with a scruffy face and a furry belly. And all my friends know that to call me a chaser gets a glare but to call me a twink gets a tone of violent rebuke. When I started doing visuals on the screen I knew I needed eye candy. I knew that my tastes in men weren't gonna cut it on the screens so I took to videotaping the antics of club goers losing their morals on Club Marcella's lone stripper pole. I've gotten mostly trashy girls and more than enough hot messes to feed the "Hot Pole Mess Meme," but occasionally I get something hot. This is John. He's chicken, straight up Original Recipe. The girl to his left is some skank who thinks its hot to "date" twinks. I took some photos and video of him and he's a true winner for "hot boy in underwear dancing" footage. Thing is he knows I hate him. I kick him out of the booth all the time for rubbin all over our DJ, Charles Masters, who should be doing more important things like mixing. See, I like to keep the DJ booth a Chicken Free Zone, much to Charles' chagrin. So, do I have to bite my tongue and own up to the importance of these vapid bodies? Charles and I both agree, there isn't much to poor Johnny but a cute body and a bubble butt, but do i lose integrity for following this boy around with a camera? Or can I claim professional exception? Here's a video with some footage of the Pole Chicken.... slowed down a little for the porn effect. Probably NSFW, as his undies get a little low. and if you absolutely must see the first (and probably only) two inches of this boy, click after the jump for the uncut pole chicken clip. #tweetit

Halfhearted ravers break my heart. We should have some ecstasy on hand for the poor chaps when they run out of juice. Except for this kid; it was nearly 11:30PM on a rainy Saturday night, and he just stood there with his glowsticks that he brought on his own, looking like a fool. Hot Pole Mess. His boyfriend was kinda hot from all the piercings, but Randall informs me he is lacking in the equipment zone. Must be why he draws all the attention to his face.

HT: Joe.My.God. I haven't heard anything fresh from The Pet Shop Boys since 2006. "Love Etc." is a great new single and the music video is well done. Visit the youtube page to watch in HD.

Seriously. We had the pleasure of having Chi Chi LaRue as a special guest DJ at Club Marcella for Valentine's Day. Porn Mogul with a Superstar Drag Persona, who knew she was also a banging DJ? We don't often have guest DJ's at Marcies. Why?

• Our resident DJ's, Charles Masters and DJ Xotec, are pretty fabulous.
• Most guest bookings are bamboozled by a promoter who in turn fails to produce a crowd to offset the ridiculous booking fee.
• Most guest Dj's are unprepared for the musically fickle Buffalo crowd.
• They only wanna spin for an hour or so, then go off to do blow for a bit, leaving our house dj's to save the floor.
• They smell. God, I'm all for UK DJ's, but pack some motherfuckin' Right Guard bitches (Dom & Roland).

All of this is why I was happily surprised when Chi Chi showed up and spun non-stop from 11:00 to 4:30, with only a break for the drag show. This bitch is fierce. I was expecting a little more to her when we met, but apparently she's almost down to her goal weight after a wonderfully successful bariatric surgery. Anyways, I was getting the half-size Chi Chi set up in the booth and when I lifted up a platform to make room for her tallness, I failed big time on the peripheral vision and bashed her shin with a 4 foot beam. Well, the tall, skinny, porn mogul drag queen was also resiliant with a sense of humor, called the impending bruise a "souvenir" and we had a great night from then on. Chi Chi wrote about her time at Marcies on her blog at C1R.com

Last week I was in Buffalo NY at a club called Marcella. I have to admit I was not expecting much, but let me tell you, Buffalo Rocks!! The club was fantastic and the people of Buffalo are Gorgeous. The staff alone made me weak and the people that came to dance and party were totally wild. They treated me great and I DJ’ed from 11pm till 4:30 am. I can’t wait to go back, hint hint.

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