E-tards: the lovable sweaty, twitchy messes that pop pills and proceed to give the public a show. A telltale sign of an E-tard is the unconscious desire to grind one’s teeth to the roots, random giddiness, and generally being a hot pole mess. Exhibit A is below…

Bonus!!!! – Check out the hot mess underwear contest after the jump! NSFW if you can’t watch a bunch of gay and questionably straight guys strip down to their skivvies.

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I suppose this video isn’t too messy, but it’s more about the candy raver wannabe kid. While that particular brand of hot mess is indeed flashy and amusing to watch, they are rendered useless and quite annoying when they open their mouths. This one in particular likes to try to bribe the DJ booth with handmade ponybead bracelets, as if its GID properties are enough to make us grind yet another Britney song into the mix or PCD, or something else that we’ve already played. The DJ booth is a very expensive jukebox, and pony beads just won’t cut it for a play.

I just don’t have a use for them. Well, until now.

Its not secret that I love the bears, a beefier stock of man with a scruffy face and a furry belly. And all my friends know that to call me a chaser gets a glare but to call me a twink gets a tone of violent rebuke. When I started doing visuals on the screen I knew I needed eye candy. I knew that my tastes in men weren’t gonna cut it on the screens so I took to videotaping the antics of club goers losing their morals on Club Marcella’s lone stripper pole. I’ve gotten mostly trashy girls and more than enough hot messes to feed the “Hot Pole Mess Meme,” but occasionally I get something hot.

This is John. He’s chicken, straight up Original Recipe. The girl to his left is some skank who thinks its hot to “date” twinks. I took some photos and video of him and he’s a true winner for “hot boy in underwear dancing” footage. Thing is he knows I hate him. I kick him out of the booth all the time for rubbin all over our DJ, Charles Masters, who should be doing more important things like mixing. See, I like to keep the DJ booth a Chicken Free Zone, much to Charles’ chagrin. So, do I have to bite my tongue and own up to the importance of these vapid bodies? Charles and I both agree, there isn’t much to poor Johnny but a cute body and a bubble butt, but do i lose integrity for following this boy around with a camera? Or can I claim professional exception?

Here’s a video with some footage of the Pole Chicken…. slowed down a little for the porn effect. Probably NSFW, as his undies get a little low.

and if you absolutely must see the first (and probably only) two inches of this boy, click after the jump for the uncut pole chicken clip. #tweetit

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Halfhearted ravers break my heart. We should have some ecstasy on hand for the poor chaps when they run out of juice. Except for this kid; it was nearly 11:30PM on a rainy Saturday night, and he just stood there with his glowsticks that he brought on his own, looking like a fool. Hot Pole Mess.

His boyfriend was kinda hot from all the piercings, but Randall informs me he is lacking in the equipment zone. Must be why he draws all the attention to his face.

Seriously. We had the pleasure of having Chi Chi LaRue as a special guest DJ at Club Marcella for Valentine’s Day. Porn Mogul with a Superstar Drag Persona, who knew she was also a banging DJ?

We don’t often have guest DJ’s at Marcies. Why?

• Our resident DJ’s, Charles Masters and DJ Xotec, are pretty fabulous.
• Most guest bookings are bamboozled by a promoter who in turn fails to produce a crowd to offset the ridiculous booking fee.
• Most guest Dj’s are unprepared for the musically fickle Buffalo crowd.
• They only wanna spin for an hour or so, then go off to do blow for a bit, leaving our house dj’s to save the floor.
• They smell. God, I’m all for UK DJ’s, but pack some motherfuckin’ Right Guard bitches (Dom & Roland).

All of this is why I was happily surprised when Chi Chi showed up and spun non-stop from 11:00 to 4:30, with only a break for the drag show. This bitch is fierce.

I was expecting a little more to her when we met, but apparently she’s almost down to her goal weight after a wonderfully successful bariatric surgery. Anyways, I was getting the half-size Chi Chi set up in the booth and when I lifted up a platform to make room for her tallness, I failed big time on the peripheral vision and bashed her shin with a 4 foot beam. Well, the tall, skinny, porn mogul drag queen was also resiliant with a sense of humor, called the impending bruise a “souvenir” and we had a great night from then on.

Chi Chi wrote about her time at Marcies on her blog at C1R.com

Last week I was in Buffalo NY at a club called Marcella. I have to admit I was not expecting much, but let me tell you, Buffalo Rocks!! The club was fantastic and the people of Buffalo are Gorgeous. The staff alone made me weak and the people that came to dance and party were totally wild. They treated me great and I DJ’ed from 11pm till 4:30 am. I can’t wait to go back, hint hint.

#tweetit

I try to take a video each night of some poor child skanking around the Pole at Club Marcella. The better ones I use for visuals, the messy ones I post to Youtube. They’ve all been messy so far. Today’s Pole Chicken is a friend of our DJ, Charles Masters, and I regularly enjoy kicking him out of the DJ booth. I like to enforce a strict, no-chicken policy in there. #tweetit

I posted earlier about the awesomely squeaky Durex condoms commercial, and have taken to throwing it up at the club as a sort of PSA. Of course, I couldn’t just put it up as is:

Durex: Get it On (remix) from Nathan Strang on Vimeo.

Martyr points are gained when you volunteer to do an absurd and out-of-your-way task so you can cash them in later for respect or favors. I tend to rack up a lot of martyr points at Marcella’s because it pads my self imposed privilege of drinking for free.

Unfortunately, sometimes the tasks are lame and annoying, like spending 30 minutes wedged and worming underneath the dj booth, sweeping and vaccuuming all sorts of crud and club fodder. Its a good thing i’m not fat or claustrophobic.

As a totally unrelated aside, I got home at 3am this morning, because I opted to go barhopping with Lil Joe because he needed to put a face to one of the 10 girls he’s taking to Sunset Bay today. I’m his super efficient misogynistic-albeit-homo wingman, and I enjoy helping him out because I’m intrigued by the complexity of tittie-wrangling. I’m a terrible person, and I belong in hell. I know.

I had to barback the White Party at Marcellas, and I was so busy with drunken VIP’s, I barely had time to listen to the music spun by our three favorite resident DJ’s: Charles Masters, Dj Lil Joe, and DJ Xotec. Alright, so Xotec is really just once a month, but he USED to be resident. Anyways, after realizing we weren’t going to be able to record the whole night, Xotec promised us a White Party mix, and here it is.. well the first half at least.

1. Download - DJ Xotec – Marcellas White Party XVIII (redux) part 1 (114mb, 256kbps)
   

I removed the radio hip-pop mini set and the break in tunes for the 50/50 raffle, but otherwise it’s pretty close to what I performed at Club Marcella’s White Party on Sunday may 25th.

It’s Marcella’s White Party – so of course it’s commercial vocal house, free, gay and happy….with a few little warped bits and re-rubs to twist yer panties up…

It’s in two parts….part one is now ready for your be-dazzled “hello kitty” hot pink i-pod….enjoy!

Part two to follow soon…

WARNING underground dwellers – HIGH COMMERCIAL CONTENT!

Track Listing

1. Danity Kane – Damaged (xotec’s return to sender re-rub)
2. NBG vs Alicia Keyes – Candy for No one (x’s re-rub)
3. Depressed Mode / T-Pain – Cyclone Can’t get Enough
4. Enur – Calabria (x’s edit)
5. Bohannon – Let’s Start the Dance (Secret Service rmx)
6. Leona Lewis – Bleeding Love (Shapeshifters rmx)
7. Hatrias/Flipside/Seminara – Just the Tip
8. Britney – Piece of Me (x’s sloppy seconds re-rub)
9. Sinden – Beeper (A-Trak rmx)
10. Kat DeLuna -Whine Up (J Vicious rmx – x’s re-edit)
11. Lil Mo Ying Yang vs Rihanna – Reach for the Music (x’s re-rub)
12. Gusto – Disco’s Revenge (x’s mama say knock you out re-rub)
13. Diana Ross – I’m Coming Out (white label rmx)
14. Jaydee & Laidback Luke vs JT – Plastic Technology (x’s re-rub)
15. Madonna – Give it to Me (x’s re-edit)
16. M.I.A. – Paper Planes (Scotty B rmx)
17. D Ramirez / Tocadisco vs Lil Wayne – Lollipop till the Daylight
18. Natasha Beddingfield – Pocketful of Sunshine (Stonebridge rmx)
19. Alan Braxe/Fred Falke vs OneRepublic – Intro Apologize (x’s re-rub)
20. 75 Brazil vs MaryJ – Work it Out (x’s re-rub)

[Charles Masters, Buffawhat, Angel]

• Photos taken from ClubMarcella.com

Hey you club kiddies! Want some candy? Check out the newest Digital Bitchslap, fresh and unpressed, from Buffalo’s spinning godfather, DJ Xotec. Like always, the DB series features the latest commercial squeeze, fortified with vogue beats and diva house; every track has been rubbed with love and perversion just for you.

• Here another “alternative lifestyle” mix for my Marcellas twirlers and other assorted deviants and freaks…very much on the “commercial club’ tip…and exclusive re-rubs of Alicia Keyes, Adina Howard, 50 cent/Justin Timerlake, etc…Enjoy!
  

I must point out the tracklisting is very strong with the highlight on the “Alicia Keyes vs TP 2000 -No One / ItsNotRightButItsOkay (xotec’s crack is wack re-rub).” I’ve taken the time to isolate it and you can hear it below.

Track listing

1. Steve Angello – Be (x’s hips and thighs re-rub)
2. Alicia Keyes vs TP 2000 -No One / ItsNotRightButItsOkay (xotec’s crack is wack re-rub)
3. Jamelia – Something About You (Nr Oizo rmx / x’s re-edit)
4. Tegan and Sara – Back in your Head (zombie rmx)
5. Simian Mobile Disco – Hustler (AVH rmx)
6. w/l Chakka Khan – Feel 4 u
7. AVH – I Want Your Soul (Crookers rmx – x’s re-edit)
8. Enur – Calabria
9. Swen Weber vs Electric Six – Gay Bar Samba (xotec’s duct tape and a dream re-rub)
10. Vandalism vs Adina Howard – Freaks (xotec’s sugar for yer knees re-rub)
11. Timbaland – The Way I Dub
12. Lil Mama – Lip Gloss (krazy fiesta rmx)
13. Ram Jam / Secret Service – Black Betty (x’s re-edit)
14. Wahoo – Damn you’re Here (Freeform Five remix)
15. Utah Saints – Something Good (Ian Carey rmx)
16. Dave Armstrong /Redroche – Love is Gone (Peter Gelderheim rmx)
17. Sheldon Romero – Dirty Things
18. 30hz / Miles Dyson – Daddio
19. Snoop Dogg / Robyn – Sexual Eruption (xotec’s butakke re-rub)
20. Nelly Furtado – Promicious (Axwell rmx)

• Download Digital Bitchslap v7.0
  (rightclick and “save as”) – 81MB, MP3
• DJXOTEC.com