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I don’t feel like dancing

04.30.2007 @ 4:57 PM in Lifestream
Love is a dangerous element in relationships... I know why he doesn't love me... its easy, it makes the week go by with out a worry, makes two weeks apart a breeze. I know he doesn't love me, and I wish I didn't love him. Six months its been; I waited and waited, told myself that I shouldn't get in too deep, that something simple was best. I did my fucking best, but despite every attempt, I am utterly and helplessly lost in love. So now I am a fool... I defend the very knife that pierces my chest... I reload the chambers with every silent face. To end this would be the worst pain yet. I'm afraid it would hurt more than the pain I endure now. But, I have always been a masochist, the agony makes me feel alive...  I am passive now, spent and worn. Is this what I mean by settling down? Why am I still too happy to end this?