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I’m so not Dead

10.27.2006 @ 5:19 PM in Lifestream
Really, I'm here.  It has been hell in the sociality dept. and sometimes I feel like being ignored.   But then I realize that I am once again falling into that stupid rut of existence. I dont feel like being a bitter fag this winter; I've bought far too much Banana to be mopey.  And the laptop is still being a C-unit, so I have to decide whether I want to spend 300+ to get a four year old ibook to work again... 

Work is fine, and the SEATTL project is almost finished. I've been working for two weeks getting prices and items for the new lab... 40k is what I've been able to settle on.  Then add in staffing salaries ( I get to have two new staff and an intern to abuse), a building room to move into, and the usual supplies budget, and you have a nice 100k OPTS proposal. Oh, yea... then you wait for a year and a half before you get an answer.  I hate waiting.

I'm officially back to hating men, again. I've whittled my way through six guys in the past few months; each one had a major flaw that prevented me from welcoming them into boyfriend status.  I'm trying not to be really choosy, this is all I need in a man:
  • Mildly pyscho - I'ce accepted the fact that I will never be able to date a normal man, and that my pheromones seem to attract nothing but sociopaths. In others words I can take you being on Zoloft, but not Risperdal.
  • Be under 30 - I'm not actually that picky on age, but I would like to maybe date a guy somewhere close to my age. That way, I won't naturally expect you to act mature.  It seems that I can't get a guy younger than 25 without wanting to strangle him with his Hollister rugby scarf.
  • Be out of the closet - This is big, and not because I'm a fluttering queen (STFU Chris), which I'm not.  It's because I would like to take you to dinner with my folks and then to yours. It's because if something crazy happens, I don't want to be the guy everyone asks "who is he?" when I'm being there for you in your crisis. It's because I am not closeted, and I will not hide anything that makes up a core part of me: being gay and in love (maybe) with you.  I don't live to flaunt my lifestyle, I live to live free.  If you want to be a private individual, that is fine. I understand, and I want you to be comfortable; just know I can't date you.
  • Be cute - I have a bit of a different taste in men.  I tend to fall for straight guys because straight is sooooooo cute.  I also like a man with meat on his bones. This does not make me a chubby chaser, I just want to snuggle up with a guy and hold his little paunchy belly and feel secure.  It's also field-tested that I just can't perform for anyone under 180lbs. The term for my ideal guy is a bear cub; find me a boy with a furry little belly and a tight ass and we just might have a winner.
  • Be satisfying - I'm not gonna get into the details, but damn, reciprocate. I can not stand guys that say they hate doing certain acts; why are you gay, then?
  • Be loving and personal - I tend to pour a lot into the guys I really like, and even into guys that I like just a little, its who I am.  If you are too clingy, we mave have an issue, but I want to know that you'll be there for me just as much as I am for you.
Thats kinda it.  I'm not asking for too much am i?

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